Happy St. Patricks Day  / Kelly~Journey's Mommy
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Merry Christmas from Heaven  / Kelly~ Journey's Mommy

Merry Christmas From Heaven



I still hear the songs
I still see the lights
I still feel your love
on cold wintery nights

I still share your hopes
and all your cares
Ill even remind you to please
say your prayers

I just want to tell you
you still make me proud
You stand head and shoulders
above all the crowd

Keep trying each moment
to stay in his grace
I came here before you
to help set your place

You dont have to be
perfect all the time
He forgives you the slip
If you continue
to climb

To my family and friends
please be thankful today
Im still close beside you
In a new special way

I love you all dearly
now dont shed a tear
Cause im spending my christmas
with Jesus this year. Close

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother  / April (Mommy)
There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed her and that I am not waking to pop another pill or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better companion, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother. Close

Kierstyn's First Christmas in Heaven - Poem  / Uncle Matt (Uncle)
"My First Christmas in Heaven"


I see the countless Christmas trees
around the world below
with tiny lights, like Heaven's stars
reflecting on the snow.

The sight is so spectacular.
Please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs
that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you,
the joy their voices bring.
For it is beyond description,
to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not so far away
We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones,
You know I hold you dear,
And be glad I'm spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift,
from my heavenly home above,
of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift
more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important
In the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other,
as my Father said to do.
For I can't count the blessing or the love
He has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas and
wipe away that tear.
Remember, I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.....



This poem was written by a 14 year old boy who died only day's before christmas but i still think it fits the occaision... Close

For Her Father  / Mandi

Your tears flow with in your heart, hers flow down her cheeks.
Your anger lies with thought and movements, hers gallops forward for all to see.
Your despair shows in your now dull eyse, hers shows in line after written line.
You grieve over the death of your daughter she grieves over the death of her baby.
but you're still the same, still one, Only you grieve at different times...Over different memories and at different lengths.
Yet you both realize...The death of "your" child.
~Pam Burden, TCF~

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Letter To Kierstyn From Nanny Harris  / Uncle Matt (Uncle)

I went to pick up my laundry from my grandmother and found this laying on top but i don't think it was intended to be there but I think it was only right to let you read it Kierstyn, its from the straight from nanny's heart and she loves you very very dear.. so here it is...

My dearest Ker,

You must have been a very special child for God to take you to be with your Grandfather. I guess your Papa asked to have a friend up there, so God took you because your Papa did not want to be alone anymore so he took you for company. I hope you two have a good time together. When we have done out time down here I hope we all meet up there together. Tell him we still love and miss him. So be happy and enjoy your time with him alone.

                                                        Love Always,
                                                              Nanny Harris

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My memories!  / Laura (One of mommy's best friends )
wow, I'll never forget the day I found out about April being pregnant!  I was walking up to the floor with a patient and I saw Casey and Jen in the hallway outside the lab.  Casey told me what was going on and I swear it was the fastest patient transfer I've ever done!  I couldn't wait to shop for baby clothes and to do all of the great things that friends do in preparation for another person into our world.  My only complaint was in having to keep quiet so long!  I'm sure that April wanted to burst with the news too!  I kept joking that I was going to rent a billboard with the news asap!  I also worried with her about nursing school.   God what would I have done in the same situation?  I am in awe of how well she handled herself through what I thought would be the toughest part of her life, with teachers discouraging her from finishing, and everyone asking how she planned on doing it.  But I also knew the whole time that if anyone could get through it April could.  She is one of the strongest people I've ever met!  
The day I found out that I wouldn't get to watch Kierstyn grow up I was at work and ran into Buck down in the ER and as soon as I saw his face, I knew what had happened!  I tried my best throughout that weekend to stay strong for April and Buck and not cry in front of them.  Being at work one floor below them and knowing what they were going through was so hard.  I just wanted to be up there with them holding her hand and being there.   The rest of that week was so hard!  The fact that April gets no cell phone service at her house didn't help!  I couldn't talk to her and make sure she was ok!  
Since then April has amazed me almost every day!  I can't imagine what she has gone through and the pain that she faces everyday and yet she gets through every single day and impresses upon me just how strong she is!  I know that Kierstyn is in Heaven looking down on us and sending us her love!   We miss you baby girl and yet it is a comfort everytime I look up at the sky knowing I will someday get to hold you when I meet you up there!
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The day I heard you heartbeat...  / Jennifer (One of Mommy's Best Friends )

How weird is it that the day I found out Little Kierstyn was coming into the world, I was already sitting on the Labor and Delivery unit at our hospital- My goddaughter was just born. As I was sitting in the rocker with my goddaughter in my arms, my phone began to ring...and ring...and ring. Finally, I looked at the phone at it was April telling me to come up to our unit (the floor we work on together) because she had an emergency. Of course, I leave the baby, and run to April's side. She was flipping out. She had taken 2 pregnancy tests and they came back positive!!! She called her Doctors office and he ordered her to go to the lab and get a blood pregnancy test done. Myself and our friend Casey walked to the lab with April, and that day, Feb, 17th, 2007, April found out she was going to have a little baby!!!

I was soooo excited for her. I always knew she would be an awesome mom, just because of how caring and kind she has always been. To be honest, I was a little apprehensive- We were both scared of being mommies, and we had always joked about waiting until we were done school and having babies together, so we could be there to support eachother. Sure, I was nervous for her, but it later turned into pure joy and I was very happy- she never seemed happier.

I remember April going to her 3 month visit and coming back to work soo excited because she had heard the baby's heartbeat. I was soo anxious that I wanted to hear it. We snuck into the bathroom at work with the Doppler, and as we sat on the floor, I heard little kierstyn's heartbeat!!! I  fell in love. I had never heard such a beautiful sound.

 Ofcourse, at this time, we didn't know if kierstyn was going to be a little baby boy or girl, but we liked to tease April and tell her she was having Twins because she was so tiny to start and was growing so fast. When she found out Kierstyn was a girl, she thought it would be funny to call and tell us she was having triplets!!!- she thought it was hilarious!!!

So over 8 long months, we had shopping trips to buy maternity clothes as April would have to move into new sizes. She would just yell and kick and scream at me because I thought she was beautiful and glowing and April thought she looked fat and ugly. Her mom and sister threw her a Gorgeous Baby Shower, with more clothes (and strollers) then she knew what to do with. She even came to my birthday party, exactly one week before she delievered the little angel, and showed her support. Kierstyn was excited for my birthday too because I would sit there and rub Aprils belly and she would just elbow and kick me like crazy!

April and I had plans on the day she was sent to the hospital. She called me and told me she couldn't hang out, that she had to go the hospital. In tears, she told me what had happened, and my heart dropped. I tried my best to give her and her family the time they needed, but it became unbearable. I was in there Friday night by her side for a few hours. I didn't sleep at all that night. The next morning, I called her right away. I ran to her side once I showered, and stayed there until the next day, just so I could have the chance to meet one of God's angels. Even though there wasn't much I could do, I just couldn't leave. I knew if I was ever in a situation like this, april would be there by my side as well. She begged me to hold her, but I couldn't bring myself to. I felt that she needed all the time she could have with her, and I wouldn't feel right taking those few minutes away from her.

I will never ever forget that entire week. From the phone call, to the waiting room, the labor, and the funeral. Kierstyn was truly one of the prettiest babies I had ever seen. She was so perfect. She was made out of a lot of love by April and Buck. I Know she is watching down on us everyday- especially her mommy and daddy. They have got to be 2 of the strongest people I have ever met. 

I was truly honored to have had the chance to meet Baby Kierstyn on the day of her birth. I know she is in a great place, and is sitting in heaven watching down and keeping everyone that loves her safe.

I love and Miss you Baby Kiersytn. One day, we will meet again. Until that day, Know that you will always hold a piece of my heart as if you were part of my family, because I consider April my sister.

Rest in Peace Baby girl. Fly high like the beautiful white dove your brother released in your memory.

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The day your daddy told me about you!!  / Aunt Ash (Aunt)

I remember like it was yesterday we were at the money bonanza at the fire hall and my sister was acting weird told me how she was craving pepsi and quit smoking but being pregnant at that time must have pulled some thought process from me and i didn't put two and two together. but when i sat with her a buck and their table buck wispers to me that they are expecting but not to react cause april did not want me to know yet. That was the most exciting thing that i heard in a long time cause i was finally going to be an aunt and get to spoil her child like she has always done mine. As my sister grew i was so happy for her. I never have seen her happier in my life.  And when she found out she was having a girl we talked about how close our daugthers will be and they would have preston and austin looking after them all the way through school. April and I haven't close for a long time cause we both were in different parts in our lives but knowing that our kids will be close made me so happy. She came to some of my doctor appts she even spent a couple of nights with me in the hospital when i had Kaytee.  When I got the call i was packing my stuff for a weekend getaway that i have been planing for months and well deserved. When that phone call came i did not even think of our trip i went straight to the hospital to be with her. And i was so proud of my family for coming together and being there for each other. I went to the concert Saturday night and was not able to be back for kierstyns birth but i called my dad and brother like every half hour checking on her. I was able to hold myself together until Montgomery Gentry played their song Clouds and i just cried. I wish that i would have been there for the birth but i know that one day i will get to be with her and i know that she is with us every day looking over me and my kids.  God bless my sister and Buck and God bless Kierstyn for showing us that life isn't a life without your family.. love ya Kierstyn

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The Day I Held An Angel.  / Matthew Thompson (Uncle Matt )
I will never forget how excited i was once i first found out april, my sister, was pregnant. I had always wanted a baby sister, but i told her this was the closest thing i would get to having one. We even had plans that i would watch over her growing up and also be the big scary uncle and scare all Kierstyn's and Kaytee's boyfriends away when they were at that age. I would have treated them as if they were my own children. Unfortunately until that friday i didn't know Kierstyn would be the one watching over me. Hours and hours went by along with sleepless night waiting for the phone call. I met some of the best friends anyone could ask for and i'm so glad that they are my sisters and are there for her every step of the way. We tried to do everything to keep our heads on straight in that waiting room but i believe everyone was a little delierious. But as soon as i got the news that april had delivered i froze and got up and went to the windows. My mom came out and told me it was the hardest thing she ever had to do and all i wanted was to hold my niece. I texted my mom asking her every 2 minutes when i could come back. I finally got the chance to go back and hold her for the first time. She was beautiful. I couldnt take my eyes off her cause i knew i would have to let go too soon. Holding my niece was one of the harder things i ever had to do but letting go was the hardest of all. Even without taking a single breath Kierstyn Renee changed my life from that day out. In the next week, I grew up a lot. I finally came into my own as being the brother who watches out for his two loving sisters and not just the little brother. For the first time in a while my father actually said he was proud of me and said himself i grew up and became a man. And i can only thank one person for that and that's my baby Kierstyn. When I'm having rough days now i know one place to go and thats to see her because something about sitting there with her helps me cope. I see her every night when i dream and when i can't sleep i turn on my "Kierstyn Renee" playlist and look through her pictures. Kierstyn gave me something to believe in. She had changed my life so much and more. As April likes to say "Some people only dream of Angels, but that night we held one in our arms.." I love you Kierstyn Renee. Watch over us all and watch over your mommy and daddy. We'll see you one day. Spread your wings My Precious Angel. Close